Although Valentine’s Day romance is in the air, it doesn’t mean relationship conflict magically disappears. Sometimes, Cupid’s birthday amplifies the tension brewing beneath the surface. So, I’m sharing the seven best strategies for dissolving lovers’ spats I’ve developed being married for nearly two decades…
7 Dynamic Relationship Conflict Resolution Strategies
Despite how things look now, Grant and I were not always on the same page — especially in the beginning. And, that resulted in our number one relationship regret…
WASTING TOO MUCH TIME BICKERING!
When we first got married, we fought over everything…
From playing Xbox with his brother to leaving the toothbrush on the sink, our relationship was constantly in conflict. But, we figured out a few things that turned it all around.
Now, we are still not perfect…
However, these strategies are what bring us back to what matters in the first place.
Check the Conflict’s “Priority Level” in the Relationship
Before you step onto the battlefield, ask yourself if addressing this conflict will add value to your relationship.
IN SHORT, IS THIS REALLY IMPORTANT?
Like the examples I mentioned earlier, Grant hanging out with his twin brother is not going to significantly affect our marriage. I was just annoyed.
For that reason, my husband and I rate the importance of the issue on a scale from one to ten before we talk about it. However, there is another strategy that goes with this one hand and hand…
Pause BEFORE You React
Things seem more intense in the heat of the moment. With that in mind, it’s a good idea to take a few breaths when a relationship conflict arises.
AFTER ALL, HINDSIGHT IS 20/20.
Things that rubbed you the wrong way in the moment, aren’t so dramatic even moments later. Take that into account as you are assessing the priority level of the problem.
Nonetheless, there are going to be times when you must handle something between you two. If that is the case, you will take the next steps on the list.
Take Responsibility for Your Part in the Issue
Don’t get me wrong. I am not telling you to take fault for what you did not do…
Still, consider some of these factors:
- Did you let your partner know that bothered you before now?
- Would this be an issue if you were “in a better mood”?
- Is there a reason that this is an issue that has nothing to do with your spouse?
Relationship conflicts happen for a variety of reasons. But, your spouse can’t really help if something is bothering you that you never told them about!
In these situations, don’t blow up. Take responsibility for how you feel and talk to them calmly about why that affected you.
See the Relationship Conflict from Their Viewpoint
When you and your beau can’t see eye to eye, it is helpful to try and understand why they feel that way…
Or have that particular viewpoint.
I FIND THIS IS ESPECIALLY HELPFUL WHEN DECIDING ON MAJOR PURCHASES LIKE HOMES OR CARS.
That is because there is a specific problem they’re looking to solve with the more expensive or certain feature. Either way, it helps to know!
This tip doesn’t always dissolve the conflict. However, it can bring about understanding and possible compromise.
Rewind and Re-phrase
Even the most level-headed people can say things they don’t mean. And if you’re like me, you feel bad the second you say it.
At that point, it is a good idea to just apologize and say…
“I’M SORRY FOR HOW THAT CAME OUT. LET’S START THIS CONVERSATION OVER.”
This keeps the relationship conflict you’re trying to work out from spinning into something bigger. Remember, this is not about EVERYTHING going on…
You are trying to solve this one problem. And you can’t do that by saying hurtful things.
On the other hand, do let your significant other know you want them to open up to you…
Show You Appreciate Their Communication
I think we all can agree that it is not easy to start a conversation about the conflicts in your relationship.
Therefore, it is important to acknowledge your partner for bringing it to your attention, so you both can resolve it.
This will set the stage for these uncomfortable interactions to go a lot smoother overall.
After all, you would want them to treat you with the same consideration if the roles were reversed. Equally important, there is one more piece of advice that needs to be at the core of all of this…
Always Bring it Back to the Mission
Ultimately, what really matters is your purpose as a couple.
Whenever Grant and I get into an argument, we always come back to our mission in the end…
When you think about it, your relationship conflicts pale in comparison to your massive goals and love for each other. That should be enough to bring you back from any argument you’re having.
And if it isn’t you should consider getting a bigger purpose and game…
Becoming BIGGER than Relationship Conflicts
We all should have our “why.”
We should have one individually…
In our careers…
As well as with our partner…
Nonetheless, it can be hard to keep your eyes on the prize if the reward isn’t big enough. For that to happen your goals have to be massive.
For example, Grant and I want to help all 8 billion people on Earth. That doesn’t leave much time for arguing about toothbrushes.
In fact, this can help you with not only relationship conflicts but all others in your life. Check out my Build an Empire Course for more tools.
But in the meantime, work with your partner, not against them.
Build an Empire,
Elena Cardone
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