One of the questions I get asked most often is some variation of… “I heard how you lost hope in romantic relationships. What changed when you met Grant?”
This is a great question.
Because almost everyone I know has experienced at least one let-down or heartbreak in romantic relationships.
For example…
One guy I broke up with threatened to put a mechanic’s lien on my home when I asked him to move out.
In the end, I was forced to sign my house over to him just to get away.
Of course, not all my relationships ended quite that badly…
But if you look at my track record, you’ll see I dated a string of guys with no money, no drive, and no direction.
Most contributed nothing financially.
And many of them cheated on me.
So, you could say I lost hope in romantic relationships for good reason.
Which begs the question…
How did I move past disappointment and open myself up to finding a partner like Grant?
For starters, I had to unpick the false beliefs I’d acquired growing up.
These were beliefs like…
Being in a relationship will hold me back…
Or strong women make it on their own…
Nowadays, I realize these beliefs are false.
But I needed to accept they were lies BEFORE I could welcome the perfect partner into my life.
Next…
I took responsibility for the part I played in creating toxic romantic relationships.
My actions attracted dependent guys.
And my decisions enabled unsuitable partners into my inner circle.
So it was my fault I had a terrible romantic track record. And I took responsibility for that.
Then – once I had owned my mistakes – I put faith in my “List”.
If you don’t know about “The List,” it’s where you write down the qualities you want in your potential partner.
For instance…
When I wrote my List, I scrawled over 100 traits including:
- Masculine
- Ethically ambitious
- Loves cars
- Can afford to buy me a Cartier watch if he wanted, etc.
At the time, writing The List felt trivial.
But with hindsight, I now understand how The List helped me build a relationship with Grant.
It turns out, one of the reasons why I consistently formed bad relationships was because I did not believe the perfect man existed.
I simply could not envision my future with a great man.
But once I wrote my list, something shifted.
For the first time in my life, I pictured what my perfect partner could look like.
And my List planted a seed that the perfect partner really was out there.
Now, there are several traits on my list which Grant does not satisfy… like being 6’2”, for example.
So it’s important you recognize which traits are crucial and which traits are “nice to have.”
When I first met Grant, it took me months to look past his height and the fact he doesn’t have green eyes.
But once I acknowledged what really matters in a relationship – like ambition, family values, and respect…
That’s when I opened myself up to building a future with Grant.
So my advice to you?
If you’ve lost hope in building strong romantic relationships…
Or if you’re not sure how to find the perfect partner…
I encourage you to work on yourself first. Set aside a small amount of time to reflect on your relationship beliefs.
Acknowledge them. Then, let those beliefs go.
Next, take responsibility for the people you let into your inner circle.
Once you know your red flags, then you can determine what traits make the perfect partner for you.
Make sense?
I would love to hear the most important traits you put on your “List.” You can comment on this article and share them with me.
Or you can tag me on social media (@elenacardone) alongside the hashtag: #10Xrelationships
Build an empire,
Elena Cardone
P.S. Every week, I’m going to answer one reader question inside 10X Empire.
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