Looking for “The One” is a quest as old as time. As a romantic at heart, I believe that there is a perfect partner for everyone. I certainly feel I have that with my husband, Grant. Nonetheless, I also understand that finding that person is easier said than done…
So, how do you find the perfect partner — the one who will support as well as challenge you while you build the life of your dreams?
I just so happen to know of a way to help things along in that direction. Specifically, it is the method that brought Grant into my life.
The following exercise might seem cheesy or silly to some of you, but trust me on this one.
It works.
I am going to explain exactly why this method is effective and how to do it in this article…
Introducing… “The List”
The name of the technique I am going to share with you today is called “The List.”
To be completely honest with you, I did not come up with this idea on my own. In fact, I was introduced to The List during a girls’ night in Los Angeles…
That night, amongst cocktails and girl talk, the hostess instructed us to write out this exercise. At first, I thought it was ridiculous; but I was a good sport and did it anyway.
However, I realized something as I was making notes with a cheap pen…
I HAD NEVER FULLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT MY IDEAL PARTNER WOULD BE LIKE.
From that point on, I had formed a clear idea of what my perfect partner would look like in detail — thanks to The List. But there are other significant effects it has on finding real, lasting love…
Why Is The List So Important for Finding Your Ideal Partner?
The List is so influential in finding the right companion because it keeps you from falling into the old relationship traps and pitfalls. If you are reading this, I bet you know the ones I’m talking about…
Choosing partners on purely superficial attributes…
Getting deceived by those who aren’t what they seem…
Or tolerating red flags for way too long.
Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve made these mistakes too.
The List gives you the opportunity to be honest with yourself about what you need in the ideal partner — with no judgment. The fact of the matter is that all of us have different strengths and weaknesses, and we require different levels of support.
This practical method is the time to truly address your needs. More importantly, it helps you determine who you need by your side to be the best version of yourself.
Now, let’s go through all the questions your “List” needs to answer so you can be guided to your perfect partner…
How to Find the Perfect Partner by Writing The List
More than likely, you have the basic concept of how to write your List. Still, I want to make sure you don’t miss anything.
With this in mind, go through each of these steps to ensure you check off all the boxes for an ideal partner.
After all, before anything can exist in the physical universe, you have to envision it first…
Categories to Include on Your List
Let’s get something out of the way right out of the gate…
WHAT PHYSICAL QUALITIES AND TRAITS DO YOU WANT?
I’m not afraid to say that physical attraction is important when looking for the perfect partner. Therefore, don’t be afraid to sound superficial or shallow here. This List is for YOU. We’ll get into personality and values later on…
Next, consider your past relationships. Then, decide what things from those relationships you want to take forward and what you’d like to leave behind.
There are reasons you have chosen the people you have — as well as why things didn’t work out. Examining these aspects will help you find “The One.”
Also, hold nothing back. Similar to the physical features step, if you want someone who has a certain income or financial stability, include it!
In short, it’s okay if you want them to be wealthy or be able to take care of you. If those things are what you truly need to be happy, it’s a violation of your integrity to omit them.
Similarly, don’t neglect admirable qualities that could get your perfect partner to the level you want. For example, work ethic, belief systems, family values, and discipline. You don’t want to miss out on the perfect partner just because they are a diamond in the rough.
Once these categories are filled out, it’s time to look over The List with a new perspective…
Finishing Touches
When I completed my List, I had over a hundred items on it. It seems a bit overboard, but I would like you to start out with more material than less.
That being said, I have a confession to make…
GRANT DID NOT HAVE EVERYTHING I HAD LISTED.
For this reason, you should take red ink to your inventory for your ideal partner. Mark which qualities are non-negotiable and which ones you can do without.
To illustrate with my own example, my husband is not 6’2’’ with green eyes, as I had first put down on my own List.
Therefore, be specific about what you want and what’s significant to your happiness. On the other hand, don’t set expectations so unrealistic that the person could never exist.
Your soulmate is going to be human at the end of the day, and we all have our flaws.
By that logic, another large piece of finding the ideal partner is that you take honest stock of yourself…
Role Reversal for Your Perfect Partner
Now, I want you to use your List to answer an interesting question…
IF THIS PERSON EXISTED, WHAT WOULD THEIR LIST LOOK LIKE?
When I asked myself that, it was eye-opening, to say the least. In my case, I wanted a family-oriented man. However, I was recreationally using drugs and alcohol at the time.
At that point, I realized something. I wasn’t attracting the right type of partner because I wasn’t acting in a way that resonated with my ideal partner — or true self, for that matter.
So, take an honest, hard assessment of what your perfect mate would want and if you would fit the bill. After all, you want this person to be happy in the life you share together.
Next, let’s discuss what to do if you already have your true love and how to make it even better…
What If You Have Your Ideal Partner Already?
Chances are that if you already have a partner and are reading this, you feel there is something lacking with your current relationship…
That’s okay. Even the best partnerships have to reignite the fire every so often, as well as continually communicate as both parties grow.
Here are the steps to build on and re-energize a present relationship:
- Write down how your significant other can support you in reaching your full potential. Note: do not use this to rattle off their faults. Keep it positive.
- Have your partner write the same list… but for you.
- Trade your answers and collaborate in creating an action plan to deliver on those wants and needs.
The objective of this exercise is to bring about better understanding and should be done in the spirit of help. Periodically, I do this with Grant and I always feel even more in love with him afterwards.
DON’T GIVE UP ON THE PERFECT PARTNER BECAUSE YOU LEFT THINGS UNSAID.
Up to this point, I have given you a lot of direction in finding the right partner, whether you’re single or in a relationship…
However, I have a couple more dos and don’ts before we leave one another…
Final Recommendations on How to Find Your Perfect Partner with The List
These are the parting pieces of advice I want to share with you regarding the all-powerful List…
Do confront the state of your life without sugar-coating it. It wasn’t until I saw my own circumstances and improved them that I was able to attract my perfect mate. Be real with you…
Don’t judge yourself for what you put on your list. This is your relationship we’re talking about here. There is no need to put on appearances or feel guilt…
Don’t use the list to find fault with others. Full disclosure, that’s what I did, and I almost let Grant slip through the cracks. Remember that 6’2’’ with green eyes thing? I allowed silly stuff like that to put me off giving Grant a chance. Keep the big picture in mind.
I know from experience that having someone you trust to build your empire with gets you to your goals easier and faster. In the Build an Empire Course, I have tools you can use to empower yourself alongside your partner once you find them.
To wrap this all up, I want to give you the responsibility and power of the knowledge that finding the perfect partner starts with you…
And I know you can do it.
Build an Empire,
Elena Cardone
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